When we look back there could,atleast, be some occasions where we feel that we erred in our decision making. For me, an incident more often comes to my mind which makes me think that I was really a stupid (at least for that time) to have occurred such a thought in mind. I was in my II-year graduation. As had been throughout my studies I was the shortest, light weight boy in the class of 36 in the Political Science subject. It was,therefore, compulsory for me to sit in the front row as otherwise I will not appear in the vicinity of my lecturers due to my fantastic frame. The practice in degree classes in Kerala, at that time, was that languages were taught in the first and second year final university exam is taken for the languages at the end of the second year. (Of course,politics was a subject of my great interest right from my early childhood and even I remember when I was a very little boy of 9 years I had participated in the procession during the liberation struggle to get rid of the first communist govt. in Kerala headed by the late EMS Nampoothiripad in 1957). Coming back to the incident which I want to tell, I was,somehow,had a great interest in English language. It is mainly because of the fact that we had excellent lecturers and professors who were highly scholarly. English paper-II was taught by a highly qualified and efficient lecturer named Thumpamon Ravi who, at that time, was holding Masters Degree in Five subjects. I still can imagine the way he was explaining the lessons like 'Voluntary Poverty' (taken from the autobiography of Mahatma Gandhi) and 'What I believe' (from EM Foster) etc.etc. I was greatly attracted by the fluency of the language of my respected English lecturers&professors viz. Shri Thumpamon Rave. MRT Nair and the like. Once the classes were over I just used to jump in to the platform and imitated them,of course with bundle of mistakes). But I always used to think when I will be able to speak English like them.
Because of my innate desire to speak fluently, on those days I used to mug up the notes given by my teachers word by word including the punctuations. The first terminal examination took place. The result came and I got 56 marks out of 100 for English Paper-II. On those days, to get a 50% mark (second class) for English subject was considered a rare achievement and even through out the University there could hardly be one or two students who could get 60% marks in English subject. My lecturer Mr. Thumpamon Ravi specially took out and read my paper not only in our class but I later came to know that he read out the paper in other classes of degree students and advised students to study and write the paper the way I did. Unfortunately, I was absent on that particular day and whatever happened on the day was explained to me by my well wisher and close friend Mr Appukuttan on the next day. I knew my mark from my friends and all of them congratulated me on the next day. My teacher did not give my paper to any one & after announcing the marks he kept the paper with him.I,as a simple boy, felt happy, that's all. Many times, I thought that I should ask the teacher for the paper but,felt shy to go to the teachers' rest room . My feeling was different. In my innocence, I felt how I can I go to the teachers room as I was wearing clothes much below in quality compared that of my class mates and particularly in the teachers room where all of them were clad in the latest of textiles.
I felt that my presence in that dignified room will diminish its value. An immatured, simple boy from a village from very ordinary surroundings can think what else.
Therefore, I felt I should not go there. When the second terminal exam took place, there also I stood first in the paper with 55%. The teacher read out the result and congratulated me.
In the last day of the second year which was the last day of the language class, my lecturer after concluding the session, called out my name and gave that paper to me.He was in a different mood, I could guess. What he told on that day is drumming in my ears " I thought you will come to the rest room and collect the paper and I have been waiting for long and,in fact, I wanted to congratulate you in the presence of all the lecturers and the Head of English and Political Science departments. You missed that great occasion. Now you can take this paper and do what you want to to do. Any way my best of Luck to you". Nearly, tears came into my eyes. How can I forget that moment ? The second year final exam took place. I got 53% in English paper-II,highest in the class. After the vacation when the III-year classes started, I happened to see the same teacher in my bus-stop when he smiled at me and I wished him. He had come to visit one of his relatives. He was also waiting for the bus to go to college. We together occupied a two seater and when I reiterated the instance and explained him the reason as to what made me for not approaching him for the paper, he laughed loudly and patted me and murmured 'silly boy'. Certainly, I felt my thought was not only silly but,of course, stupid.
During the last year of my graduation though this teacher did not have any class for us but whenever we met on the premises he,invariably,used to give me a concealed smile (which recollected the incident) and I wished him. Even when we were to bid good bye after finishing the studies, I met him in the rest room and sought blessings.He asked me whether I would go for further studies, I told him though I have a great desire, I should seek a job.
Posted on 23 July,2011
